Flu Poetry

Flu  Flu  Flu

You make me feel like p** (I just can't bring myself to write that on my blog:))

I don't know what to do
 when I have the flu

The house is trashed

Hopes of dinner are dashed

I hate you flu
of that I am unabashed



Can you believe this is what this blog has come to?

And then He does THAT

Follow up.
I 'taught' again last night.  I sat in the parking lot before I went in and prayed a very specific prayer.  I asked that I would be able to be me, and that I would glorify Him in my teaching. 
I am blown away by what followed that prayer.
I was able to interact with my 'students' easily, like I would on a regular basis.  I didn't worry about my wording so much and just had fun with it.  The class went really really well.  And it was fun.  In the middle of it I was thinking "Whoa.  What is this?  What is going on?  Thank you, Lord!" 
I am still thinking "What was that?",  with an added "Please let that keep happening!"
It also never ceases to amaze me, how the kind words of friends come at just the right moments, and the encouragement the Lord shows me through them. 

I'm a Baby

Warning: this is a pity party and a place for me to spew all of the yuck that I have inside right now.  You do not need to read it or comment on it.  It just had to be done.

I've started 'teaching' (believe me, I use that term as loosely as possible) yoga at my local studio two nights a week.  And... I want to quit. 

All I can think about all day everyday are these two classes.  I'm nauseous for most of the day, anxious, and filled with the thought "I can't do this.  Why am I doing this?"  All over teaching yoga.  Oh my word, what a baby.  I guess I just didn't realize how hard this was going to be for me.  I would imagine for some people it's really easy and comes naturally.  And I really thought it was going to be that way for me too.  That was a gross misjudgement on my part. 

Being good at yoga does not mean being a good teacher.

I'm up there, and I forget when we're supposed to be inhaling and when we're supposed to be exhaling, which then shatters my spirit and silences me.  I feel like they don't like my flow and then I change it up which has me deviating from my plan, and deviating from the plan is not good.  I don't feel like I can be myself because I'm on this runaway train of a class that I can't slow down.  I look out at the faces in my class and think "Oh my goodness, they are hating this.  They hate this flow and wish it would stop.  Oh man, they think I'm incompetent and HOW can she not come up with something better than this.  Great, I can't remember if we're supposed to be inhaling or exhaling.  Ugh, I forgot where I'm at.  Why am I doing this?  I shouldn't be doing this.  I have no business being up here.  I'm going to throw up.  How can I get out of this?"
Yeah, that's about right.  And all in the span of a few minutes.  

Yes, I know that I've only taught a handful of classes.  And yes, I've thought about how I haven't been able to take a lot of classes due to teacher training and the general out of control pace of my life right now.  But knowing those things doesn't make you feel better when you feel like you just gypped someone out of $15. 

I think that I need to just go teach gym yoga for a while so I don't have to feel guilty and so I can just LEARN what I'm doing.  But now I'm committed at this studio.  Which is making me feel like I need to be committed.

I know.  I'm a baby. 

Oh boy

I have all three kids home today.  Alyssa is sick, and I'm suspecting flu.  And Holland I suspect, in typical Holland fashion,  just tagged along for the ride.

I am now terrified of summer.

Time to start getting creative about what is going to occupy these three for three months. 

And now maybe you're scared too.  I'll post what I come up with and maybe we will be able to survive together.

About nothing

I love the word swagger.  Gonna use it.  All the time.

Peter Jackson is filming The Hobbit right now.  And he recast the same Bilbo and Gandalf.  Happy.

The Dentist

I sort of always loved the dentist.  We chatted amicably.  He'd give me a free toothbrush and floss.  My teeth would be so shiny and pretty.  I wouldn't have a broken tooth.  I had dental insurance.

We still had a nice chat.  Even though most of it was over three rounds of Novocaine.  Three.
I have a new toothbrush and floss.  Along with a rinse to help heal minor mouth wounds.
My teeth are shiny and pretty.  Set off nicely by my swollen, sore, red gums. 
I don't have a broken tooth.  Anymore.
And I don't have dental insurance. 

See how shiny they are though?

Dealing with it

When John started with Alliance he was given a work truck.  It wasn't fancy.  But it was included.  And so was the gas.  Not too long after that he was given his current car, a souped up Hyundai.  It's nice, lots of features (I DO love features), has treated him fairly well, and has been way more pleasant to drive.  As would be expected, it has vanity mirrors with lights, and soon after he got the car Alyssa pulled down the visor to play with the mirror.  Stuck to the outside of the cover is this sticker:
*picture coming*
Dealing With It. 

Alyssa thought this was hilarious and ever since then John and I laugh a little when I pull down the visor. 

This ridiculous little sticker is kind of how I'm feeling these days.  It seems that my kids are constantly bickering.  My house seems to be trashed for around 90% of the day.  I have far less time than I used to due to teacher training, basketball practice, basketball games, yoga classes to take, yoga classes to teach, church, school, time with friends, and on and on it goes.  It's been so much fun and I'm enjoying this time immensely.  But sometimes when I actually sit down I'm left feeling depleted.  Tank empty.  Dealing with it. 

And while my quiet time with the Lord has slipped quietly away, daily devotions after dinner have become routine and well loved.  I've been more thoughtful (meaning, I've actually been thinking... John stopped me the other day and asked what I was doing and what was the matter to which I replied, "Oh nothing, just thinking.  You're not used to that are you?) and more prayerful.  It feels like a good place to be.  One that will springboard me back into more Bible study time.  And one that has me setting the goal of one service project a month.  Aim small, miss small.  That's from The Patriot.  I'm not entirely sure what it means, but it seemed to fit.