Mmmmhmmm

Don't you love when your Costco check comes?  You push out of your head all the money you had to spend to get that Costco check.  You read how it says "redeemable only at Costco" and are so happy because that means you HAVE to spend it at Costco.

Visions of jalapeno artichoke dip, crab legs, and lots of wine dance in your head.

And then hubby comes home and says "Oh good, got the membership fee and diapers and wipes covered with that."  And you just say "Mmmhmmm."

Darn.

Flu Poetry

Flu  Flu  Flu

You make me feel like p** (I just can't bring myself to write that on my blog:))

I don't know what to do
 when I have the flu

The house is trashed

Hopes of dinner are dashed

I hate you flu
of that I am unabashed



Can you believe this is what this blog has come to?

And then He does THAT

Follow up.
I 'taught' again last night.  I sat in the parking lot before I went in and prayed a very specific prayer.  I asked that I would be able to be me, and that I would glorify Him in my teaching. 
I am blown away by what followed that prayer.
I was able to interact with my 'students' easily, like I would on a regular basis.  I didn't worry about my wording so much and just had fun with it.  The class went really really well.  And it was fun.  In the middle of it I was thinking "Whoa.  What is this?  What is going on?  Thank you, Lord!" 
I am still thinking "What was that?",  with an added "Please let that keep happening!"
It also never ceases to amaze me, how the kind words of friends come at just the right moments, and the encouragement the Lord shows me through them. 

I'm a Baby

Warning: this is a pity party and a place for me to spew all of the yuck that I have inside right now.  You do not need to read it or comment on it.  It just had to be done.

I've started 'teaching' (believe me, I use that term as loosely as possible) yoga at my local studio two nights a week.  And... I want to quit. 

All I can think about all day everyday are these two classes.  I'm nauseous for most of the day, anxious, and filled with the thought "I can't do this.  Why am I doing this?"  All over teaching yoga.  Oh my word, what a baby.  I guess I just didn't realize how hard this was going to be for me.  I would imagine for some people it's really easy and comes naturally.  And I really thought it was going to be that way for me too.  That was a gross misjudgement on my part. 

Being good at yoga does not mean being a good teacher.

I'm up there, and I forget when we're supposed to be inhaling and when we're supposed to be exhaling, which then shatters my spirit and silences me.  I feel like they don't like my flow and then I change it up which has me deviating from my plan, and deviating from the plan is not good.  I don't feel like I can be myself because I'm on this runaway train of a class that I can't slow down.  I look out at the faces in my class and think "Oh my goodness, they are hating this.  They hate this flow and wish it would stop.  Oh man, they think I'm incompetent and HOW can she not come up with something better than this.  Great, I can't remember if we're supposed to be inhaling or exhaling.  Ugh, I forgot where I'm at.  Why am I doing this?  I shouldn't be doing this.  I have no business being up here.  I'm going to throw up.  How can I get out of this?"
Yeah, that's about right.  And all in the span of a few minutes.  

Yes, I know that I've only taught a handful of classes.  And yes, I've thought about how I haven't been able to take a lot of classes due to teacher training and the general out of control pace of my life right now.  But knowing those things doesn't make you feel better when you feel like you just gypped someone out of $15. 

I think that I need to just go teach gym yoga for a while so I don't have to feel guilty and so I can just LEARN what I'm doing.  But now I'm committed at this studio.  Which is making me feel like I need to be committed.

I know.  I'm a baby. 

Oh boy

I have all three kids home today.  Alyssa is sick, and I'm suspecting flu.  And Holland I suspect, in typical Holland fashion,  just tagged along for the ride.

I am now terrified of summer.

Time to start getting creative about what is going to occupy these three for three months. 

And now maybe you're scared too.  I'll post what I come up with and maybe we will be able to survive together.